Why did housework without a name become my job？
Recently, I saw a topic: # I suddenly understand why my mother gets angry easily #.
Netizen said,When I was a child, I never understood why my mother was so angry.For example, when I go home, I don’t hang my clothes on the hanger, but throw them on the sofa, make water all over the sink and floor after washing, and leave things lying around … These little things can always cause my mother’s anger.
At that time, both she and her father thought that her mother was making a mountain out of a molehill.It’s not a big deal. As for getting angry?
It was not until she grew up and began to take on housework herself that she realized,How easy it is to make people feel bad about these "little things" that you have worked hard but are always ignored.
Image source "Crayon Shinchan" screenshot
Cleaning the water in the sink, sorting out the sundries at home, folding and storing clothes after drying, sorting out the wardrobe for changing seasons, and washing the soles of slippers …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Housework that you can’t name,
Up to 70 items
Routine housework, such as cooking, washing dishes, sweeping the floor, washing clothes, etc., is easier for us to see and list clearly in the division of labor.
However, putting a new bag on the empty garbage can, washing vegetables and choosing vegetables, mastering the inventory of daily necessities and replenishing them in time, scrubbing the floor mats, and cleaning up the sanitary corner … these trivial and complicated invisible chores, which even consume more energy, are difficult to measure.
Source: Xiaohongshu @ Mint Ice Dew
Invisible housework is called "nameless housework" in Japan.Mei Tian Wusi classified and named these countless nameless family affairs in the Illustrated Book of Unknown Family Affairs.
In the end, she summed up the more common nameless housework that everyone resonated with, as many as 70 items!
There is a clean bathroom to take a bath, the bed is comfortable when you sleep at night, and you can easily find clean socks before you go out … These little things that make you feel handy are all called by the author."miracle".
But it is precisely because someone has done this silently that your life will be orderly.
After having children, invisible housework will increase exponentially.
If you think that eating and drinking Lazarus, picking up and dropping off, and tutoring homework around children are all the housework that happens to them, it just shows that you should not participate in the invisible housework related to children.
For example, to wake up sleeping children in the morning, you may need to play and sing eighteen martial arts to drag them out of bed; To take care of babies who are still nursing, you should always clean and disinfect their bottles; Children throw toys and books at sixes and sevens, even if you don’t do it yourself, it takes a lot of physical strength and energy to remind and instruct them to do it …
Tuchong creativity
Many people are "tortured" by these invisible housework after they get married.And these invisible chores, most of the time, have also become women’s "work"(or bear the majority).
Load-bearing pioneers of invisible housework
A friend told me that after her husband got sick, he found everything in the medicine box, such as thermometer, medicine, health care products, etc., and lamented "how safe it is."
My friend rolled his eyes. "If I don’t regularly check whether the medicine has expired and replenish the standing medicine in time, how can you feel safe?"
Invisible housework is something that doesn’t exist for "people who have no life in their eyes".
If you think that everything in life is easy to use, it must be someone carrying a heavy load. The people who carry the burden for these invisible housework are mostly wives/mothers.
Image source "Crayon Shinchan" screenshot
The daily housework and the work of taking care of children are borne by women. According to the data in the fourth survey of women’s social status in China:
The average total working hours of working women are 649 minutes: 495 minutes for paid work, and 154 minutes for caring for family members and doing various housework, which is about twice as long as that of men.
In addition, the families whose mothers are mainly responsible for the daily care, homework counseling and transportation of children aged 0-17 account for.76.1%、67.5%and63.6%.
Some mothers list their daily chores in detail.If you have never "got your hands on" these things, it is hard to imagine how many invisible housework your other half has undertaken in order to make a home run smoothly.
Image source network screenshot
Some people may say that with the development of science and technology, many housework can be done by intelligent tools, and people engaged in housework will not be so hard.
For this matter, some netizens once spoke on the Internet. Her husband is a typical person who has no life in his eyes. Whenever she complains that she is tired of doing housework, her husband will feel puzzled:"The floor washer, dishwasher and washing machine have done all the housework. Are you tired?"
Image source network screenshot
Yes, smart tools can help us with some housework, but what they don’t know is that,Behind the use of intelligent tools, there are also many hidden housework.. For example, after using the washing machine, it is necessary to clean the sewage bucket and cloth roller in time, to clean the filter screen when using the dishwasher, and to clean the accumulated dirt regularly in the washing machine …
These invisible chores, which are hard to be noticed, are usually undertaken by women who are more cautious and require higher cleanliness (of course, there are also some careful men). When women become full-time mothers, these invisible housework will be taken care of by themselves.
Source "Crayon Shinchan"
The "big accounts" of routine housework are easy to calculate, but the "small accounts" of invisible housework are hard to haggle over.In the long run, these invisible housework will inevitably become the "work" of one party..
Whether the division of labor is uneven or the fruits of labor are not respected, it is easy for the party engaged in these housework to feel helpless and dissatisfied, and may eventually become a thunder that causes conflicts between husband and wife.
Make invisible housework no longer invisible
Originally, we engaged in housework in order to make our living environment more comfortable and happy. If the invisible housework affects family relations, it is really not worth the candle.
In fact, the best solution is to put invisible housework on the table, so that these chores are no longer invisible.
First of all, both partners should recognize the existence of "invisible housework" and recognize that completing invisible housework is of great value to life.
Many people will have this idea about "hidden housework":
"whoever can’t stand it first will do it";
"Who finds out who will do it";
"I won’t, you’d better come";
"Just do this little thing";
……
In this regard, we should directly break their luck.You can clearly list the invisible housework you often do, clarify their existence, work out a standard, and then divide the work..
We should let each other know that doing "invisible housework" is to make this home more comfortable.This is everyThe responsibility of a family member.
Secondly, don’t be afraid of communication or argument in the early stage, and actively pull the other half in.
Women’s commitment to more housework is also related to our habitual "submit to humiliation":
"If he can’t do it well, I have to rework it";
"He grinds his teeth, so I might as well finish it in a few times";
"I’d rather do it myself than talk to him";
……
Image source "Crayon Shinchan" screenshot
Housework is a trivial matter that accompanies us all our lives. We should not be afraid of "arguing with reason", let alone give up easily because communication is fruitless.
In The Illustrated Family Affairs, the author actively appeals to the other half to join in the housework:
When doing housework, it is best for two people to work together, which can not only increase the sense of participation of both parties, but also increase the communication between them during doing housework.
For example, one party washes and cuts vegetables, and the other party cooks; Two people hang clothes and fold clothes together; When the family needs to spend a lot of effort, then men are the main force, and women can take a hand beside them, and don’t use their mouths to direct … ..
Source "Crayon Shinchan"
As the old saying goes, men and women are not tired when they work together.
Finally, outsource appropriately and liberate yourself.
Although smart tools can’t completely free hands, they can still save time and effort in doing some routine housework.
My family moved recently, and the newly rented house was not equipped with a dishwasher, but neither my husband nor I liked washing dishes, so we bought a portable dishwasher at the first time, which not only freed our hands, but also saved us a lot of quarrels. As for the later cleaning of the dishwasher, we agreed to take turns.
If both husband and wife are very resistant to housework, it is better to directly outsource domestic service. For example, the husband and wife are dual-employed, leaving early and returning late, so they can discuss doing some basic cleaning together on weekends, and looking for housekeeping to do a deep cleaning every two weeks or a month.
Of course, to achieve real equality in domestic affairs, the most important thing is to break the stereotype of gender and concept and face up to the existence of these housework.
Home belongs to every family member, and housework should never be a person’s business.
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I hope that through these articles, we can re-see things that we have neglected for a long time.
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Title mapImage source "Crayon Shinchan" screenshot
refer toData?
[1] "the fourth survey of women’s social status in China", [N] China Women’s Daily, 2021-12-27, http://paper.cnwomen.com.cn/html/2021-12/27/NW.d1100000zgfnb _ 2021127.
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